2018 Has Been a Weird, Weird Year…
2018 has been a weird, weird year for me.
I’ve been overwhelmed, discouraged, and disoriented for most of it.
I’ve been absent for many of my friends, and I’ve learned hard, hard lessons with my partner.
I’m meditating a lot, which I’m finding really meaningful.
My hard-line atheism is softening.
I’m working with several practitioners and unconventional healers.
I get that this sounds all navel-gazing-and-really-self-indulgent, but I guess I’m having an existential crisis of sorts.
I’m uncovering painful old stuff from childhood (that still shows up in my dysfunctional patterns today), trying to heal from more recent wounds that I’ve both dealt and felt, and to write a book about connection in the context of modern life while feeling utterly unqualified to do so—all while trying to be a present, loving, engaged father and feeling like I’m failing spectacularly at that.
I have escape fantasies of moving to a remote cabin in the mountains.
I go days without writing a word. I’m the least physically fit and mentally sharp I’ve been in at least a decade.
My inner critic is, right now, berating me for writing this affirmation-seeking post. (My inner critic is a harsh, unsupportive asshole, though.)
In short, shit got really real this year, and I wanted to both thank you for your support and apologise for not having much to contribute recently.
Feeling a sense of contribution to a larger Whole is important to me, and I’m rekindling my commitment to doing that.
Thank you for being you, and I’m sending out love today.