• The cartography of living well …

    A road map is a gift.

    Turn-by-turn directions is a gift of handcuffs.Living well is a long series of politely declining someone else’s driving directions, and instead examining the map for yourself, figuring out where you are and then where […]

  • What makes a good listener?

    “We don’t hear what people said; we imagine what they meant.” —Byron KatieI’m an expert at hearing things that people didn’t say.

    I don’t mean that I’m exceedingly perceptive or psychic or even skilled at reading the subtext of a […]

  • Do your work and stop throwing elbows

    When we are fast asleep, we are generally placid, perhaps even completely still and silent.

    If our dream starts to collapse, or we are subtly or substantially bumped towards waking, we might start to stir, or even thrash wildly about. We […]

  • A look in my mirror

    The photo above is a big mirror for me.

    See that look of smugness, of self-importance, of grandiosity?

    Yeah, me too… now. 😳😐😞

    I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking that I knew better than other people, including, sometimes, that I knew […]

  • How can I meet my own needs?

    It’s not their problem to solve or their need to meet. It’s yours.

    When I find myself wanting someone else to do something for me, especially when it’s related to some emotional need (attention, validation, love, acceptance, compassion, etc.) that I […]

  • My Son Wants an iPad …

    The optimistic opener: my son, almost 6, wants to be a vet when he grows up.

    The downturn at the end: his “one wish” is for an iPad on the weeks that he spends with me. (The backstory: it’s his birthday […]

  • Let’s change the way we respond to pain

    “Let the pain make you a leader, not a monster.” —Sunil Sindhwani

    When we get hurt, we so often respond out of self-protection, fear, vengeance, and pure impulse, rather than slowing down to notice that we’ve been hurt, validating our own […]