You don’t need to “look good for” anyone
Warning: rant ahead. It contains opinions, emotions and expletives.
Some time ago, I made a mistake and scrolled through my Facebook feed, stopping to read a post with an odd picture below it.
One of my professional contacts had posted a picture of his wife applying her false eye lashes on a plane and some words, beginning with, “My amazing wife ALWAYS looks good for me. I don’t ask her to do this. She says that I “deserve to be with somebody who doesn’t wear sweatpants and Disney T-shirts”… She does this for me because she wants the world to see me as she sees me. It’s one of the many reasons that I am so devoted to her and so in love with her.”
Wait, it gets better: “This is a photo that illustrates my point perfectly. She is applying her eye lashes on a flight, even though it’s very hard and stressful, and I asked her why… she said it’s because “you deserve that, [name withheld]. It’s my honor to show up for you every day. You are my hero and deserve the respect of a wife that looks good for you, you have earned that in life.”
Okay. Deep breath, Dallas.
WHAT THE ACTUAL F***.
Women, hear me clearly: you do not need to “look good for” a man.
“Showing up” for a relationship does not mean that you need to apply false eye lashes on a plane, or exercise obsessively, or get breast augmentation, or wear skimpy clothing to “show off” for him.
“Showing up” means being your best self, even if you do that in your sweatpants and a T-shirt.
Being your best self isn’t evidenced by your appearance, but it’s a truly beautiful thing to behold.
It’s so beautiful that you can see it with your eyes closed, because it’s wholly unrelated to how you look.
Men, ohhh, men: every time you praise a woman for doing something like this, you contribute to the societal messaging that if a woman doesn’t “look good”, then she is less valuable, and you reinforce her belief that you love her partly because she looks a certain way, potentially prompting going to some extreme, “very hard and stressful” lengths to look that way.
And that idea makes me really f**cking mad.
If I had a daughter who had a boyfriend who Facebook-praised her for “ALWAYS looking good for me”, I’d be scheduling a sit-down chat.
Men, DO BETTER.
Photo: Kristin, beautiful with my eyes closed. A random roadside in Costa Rica, 2016.