2018 Has Been a Weird, Weird Year…

2018 has been a weird, weird year for me.

I’ve been overwhelmed, discouraged, and disoriented for most of it.

I’ve been absent for many of my friends, and I’ve learned hard, hard lessons with my partner.

I’m meditating a lot, which I’m finding really meaningful.

My hard-line atheism is softening.

I’m working with several practitioners and unconventional healers.

I get that this sounds all navel-gazing-and-really-self-indulgent, but I guess I’m having an existential crisis of sorts.

I’m uncovering painful old stuff from childhood (that still shows up in my dysfunctional patterns today), trying to heal from more recent wounds that I’ve both dealt and felt, and to write a book about connection in the context of modern life while feeling utterly unqualified to do so—all while trying to be a present, loving, engaged father and feeling like I’m failing spectacularly at that.

I have escape fantasies of moving to a remote cabin in the mountains.

I go days without writing a word. I’m the least physically fit and mentally sharp I’ve been in at least a decade.

My inner critic is, right now, berating me for writing this affirmation-seeking post. (My inner critic is a harsh, unsupportive asshole, though.)

In short, shit got really real this year, and I wanted to both thank you for your support and apologise for not having much to contribute recently.

Feeling a sense of contribution to a larger Whole is important to me, and I’m rekindling my commitment to doing that.

Thank you for being you, and I’m sending out love today.

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  • Kimi

    Wow, it is as if you literally took the words out of my head and arranged them in a way that I never could quite fathom. I find it comforting to know that this year wasn’t just weird for only me. Sh*t got real and I can say that I learned more in the past year than I have probably learned in my lifetime. Still attempting to grow, move on, and remember what IT is really all about. From what I lost this year (a husband, a sense of who I am, friendships that I thought were real, innocence, trust in people) I also gained a new respect for life and realizing that sometimes whatever IT is, IT just really does not matter in the scheme of things.

  • Cindy

    Thank you for your honesty and your courage to keep moving forward-one step at a time.

  • SYD

    Give yourself a gift…
    Go to Rythmia Life Advancement Center
    It’s life changing

  • Rachel

    “I have escape fantasies of moving to a remote cabin in the mountains.”

    Oh, my goodness! I do too! A side effect which wasn’t discussed enough when I embarked upon my first Whole30 a year ago was mental clarity. Mental clarity is absolutely a positive thing. However, mental clarity forces you to face things about yourself, your situation, your choices, your place in life, and about others which may not be all positive. Mental clarity had me wanting to escape to the mountains and go off grid. It is a minor detail that I do not have the financial means, and have eight children depending on me as their mother. LOL!

    Last year was about #gettingitdone. Adding myself to a list when I never made the list before. I addressed health issues, and used my first Whole30 to figure out what was going on with my body, and with my life. I must have missed the warning about mental clarity. There is mourning and grief that can come with it. Dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and regret. I don’t regret Whole30. I embrace the positives of Whole30, and the side effect of mental clarity. I am currently on a W30 reset as I see the benefits. I am grateful, but it was jarring and I would imagine it could be traumatic for some.

    Throw in the weird, weird year that is 2018… Although, can we blame this on the Cubs? I mean, they said that if the Cubs won the World Series, a really hot place would freeze over. They did, and then look what has happened since!

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