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Let’s change the way we respond to pain – Dallas Hartwig

Let’s change the way we respond to pain

“Let the pain make you a leader, not a monster.” —Sunil Sindhwani

When we get hurt, we so often respond out of self-protection, fear, vengeance, and pure impulse, rather than slowing down to notice that we’ve been hurt, validating our own pain without needing others to take our side, and thoughtfully deciding how (or if) to respond.

Left to grow and mutate unchecked, pain can make us into awful creatures.

I’ve let the pain in my life turn me into someone who has deeply selfish tendencies, who has isolated himself from intimacy while blaming his partners, who has betrayed those he loved, and who responds reflexively and defensively more often than not.

That is not only not leadership, it has also been deeply destructive and painful to those around me.

But even if my pain-driven actions didn’t hurt those around me, they still serve to isolate me from myself, from others, and from a profound sense of peace and purpose.

So my work – and perhaps yours – is to notice the pain, to notice the impulse to respond destructively, and, rather than armouring up for battle, running away to hide, or lashing out, to slowly stand up with my voice soft, my arms wide, and my heart open.

📷: the brilliant and gorgeous and immensely loving @syannawand

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4 Comments

  • Laurie Luitwieler

    THIS is powerful. Good on you! It is better to choose who you want to be.

  • Stacia C Baker

    yes. as important as diet and nutrition and environment is i feel the real value and place i want to focus in is my thoughts and feeling love as much as i can. not that that is easy but… it feels extremely valuable. xo

  • Jml

    Glad you’r back

  • Olivia

    Dallas, your words are beautifully succinct and powerful. Thank you for baring your wounds and risking opening your heart so others can realize the pot3ntial work that they need to do. Your mind and soul are truly inspiring. May you continue your inner work and reap the blessings thst will come.

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