A look in my mirror
The photo above is a big mirror for me.
See that look of smugness, of self-importance, of grandiosity?
Yeah, me too… now. 😳😐😞
I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking that I knew better than other people, including, sometimes, that I knew what was best *for someone else.*
Now, that may or may not seem like an utterly insane idea to you, but with a little distance from that old habit of mine (that still rears its ugly head sometimes), I can see the absurdity and grandiosity in the idea that I – with my own lifetime’s worth of wounds and false beliefs and blind spots – might know what was best for anyone else.
Hell, I don’t even know what’s best for myself most of the time, but I still had myself convinced that I probably knew what other people should do a lot of the time.
A few months back, I wrote myself a reminder note on my bathroom mirror: “I don’t know what’s best for anyone else.”
Growth is painful. Seeing yourself more clearly is painful. Having your beliefs and patterns and absurdities mirrored back to you by another is painful. (Thank you, @syannawand, for being a crystal clear mirror for My Stuff. Your presence makes me a better man.)
Changing – even when it’s for the better – is often painful, too. It requires attentiveness to your own patterns, lots of self-observation, and the willingness to eat a shitload of humble pie when you get it wrong.
So to all 31.4 million people that I’ve been smug, condescending or insensitive to, I’m sorry.
When I see more of myself, I do my best to change.