Sometimes, we forget that we’re growing…
Recently, someone who knows me well — both my awesome characteristics and my ugly ones — sat me down and pointed out a behaviour of mine that isn’t very considerate or healthy.
It’s not “wrong” per se, but it made them feel uncomfortable, and despite their observations being delivered in a gentle and considerate manner, goddamn it was hard to not take it all really personally, to feel judged, or to feel criticised and rejected. (I partially succeeded.)
It could have been worse, and Dallas from a year or ten ago would have totally lost his mind, but… I didn’t.
I listened, I clarified, I asked questions, and I admitted the truth that was underneath their concern.
Sometimes, we forget that we are learning and growing because there is still so much potential, so much work yet to be done, and so many imperfections still rearing their ugly heads on a regular basis.
But, what I realised was that, despite me having much more work to do, I’ve come a long way, and that feels good to recognise.
Take a moment and ask yourself, “what have I done recently that I would have handled with less love, compassion, or gentleness a year or two ago?”
If you can’t think of anything, ask yourself this: “what have I done recently that I wish I had done differently, and how can I do it differently next time?”
Sometimes, simple questions do yield simple answers.
Here’s to being better humans together.
Have a similar experience you want to share? Use the comments below. We can all learn from each other.
Angelique Robinson
Thank you for sharing your experience with personal insight. My situation is with my sister. I recently shared with her that something she means as a joke but says to me on a regular basis hurts my feelings. I was nervous to share this with her because she does not take any level of serious personal feedback well. Previously I would just cringe or I jokingly told her to stop. But this time, my feelings were really hurt and so I said as nicely, lovingly and gently as possible that this joke hurts my feelings. That was almost three weeks ago and she has not spoken to me. We used to talk several times a day and now she won’t even answer my text. I’m not sure what to do other than wait. I miss my sister and question was it worth it, but know it was. Any suggestions for me? Thank you.
Terri Ferraguto
I try to remember that quote, ‘Be kind. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about’ when dealing with others, especially if it’s someone acting out of character. We all have something ‘tough’ going on, and just because we don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting us. So I take a step back and try to come back with compassion and kindness.
Karrie M
I was secretly hoping you were going to share the conversation you had with your friend! This is a really good reminder, and when I feel like lashing out or have very little patience in the moment, I try to catch myself before I respond and think, “how would I respond to this scenario if I was talking to a very good friend?” I find that thinking of this question before I respond allows me to cool down and reply in a way I would feel proud of. It helps take the venom/sarcasm out of the reaction almost immediately. Thanks!!
Jean
Thanks for this. I just rode for the first time with my 16 year old daughter, on the freeway home from her Aviation program. I tried to tell myself , what does she need from me right now. I have anxiety about driving anyway, but we were both going to have to get through this sometime hey, if we’re ever going to get her license. At the end, after the freeway, she showed she forgot where we were going by making a wrong turn. At that moment I forgot to breathe, and got a little sharp. I tried to make my amends, and model an apology as soon as possible.
Bryce Norman
Dallas, thank you again for bravely opening up your heart to all of us and sharing the “journey” of growth in our lives. May we all take this advice and actually apply it to our daily lives. Thank you again for your Whole 30 books as it changed our lives with regard to healthy eating.
Kristin
Yes this is so true, so much easier to see the fault in others than ourselves – honest friends are the best there are 🙂