“People use drugs, legal and illegal, because their lives are intolerably painful or dull. They hate their work and find no rest in their leisure. They are estranged from their families and their neighbors. It should tell us something that in healthy societies, drug use is celebrative, convivial, and occasional, whereas among us it is lonely, shameful, and addictive. We need drugs, apparently, because we have lost each other.” ― Wendell Berry

Whether you agree with Mr. Berry’s assessment or not, the concept can be extrapolated to other behaviours besides drug use. (What I mean is: don’t get hung up on your emotional response to his comments on drugs.) Instead, reread that paragraph and insert “social media” in place of “drug(s).”

Humans self-medicate with lots of different rewarding stimuli. Psychoactive substances are an obvious example, but other stimulating behaviours (like scrolling through funny/beautiful/ridiculous/sexy social media feeds) are used the same way. And because of their 24/7 accessibility and social acceptance, this form of self-medication is far more ubiquitous than drug use. Instead of using social media primarily to communally celebrate things like a baby’s first steps or an engagement, the vast majority of our time spent online is alone and in mindless consumption of media, that “lonely, shameful, and addictive” pattern that Wendell Berry described.

Proximity is often the opposite of loneliness.

Yes, we are disconnected from our families and neighbours. Yes, we have lost each other. Yes, we “chase the dragon” with social media, feeding our loneliness more loneliness.

If you are lonely, you must seek out another human being… and a digitized version of a human is not a human. You need to be able to touch their arm during conversation. You need to be able to smell them, to see the hair on their cheek, to hear them breathe. Proximity is often the opposite of loneliness.

Find someone again. Reclaim a friendship or a relationship that has been lost to your distraction and busyness. Put your phone way. You might find that you don’t actually need it.

Find someone again. Reclaim a friendship or a relationship that has been lost to your distraction and busyness. Put your phone way. You might find that you don’t actually need it.